(No catchy phrase for today)

The last couple of weeks, at work, have been really crazy. I have really been struggling w/ my job. I love my job and the people I work with....its just that there are some really unrealistic expectations being placed on us. We have been working with a bare bones staff since the layoffs over a year ago. Now one gal has left and another seems to be headed that way.

Normally I am the "cheerleader" type. Always trying to keep others positive about the many changed that are taking place--to be honest, from a business perspective I can see where they are necessary and needed. But I have gotten to the point where I don't want to cheer anymore. It's not like I want to bad mouth the company but I just don't want to defend it anymore to griping fellow employees.

Several months ago we had our performance appraisals. My boss said he would like follow-up with a progress report--which he has been conducting the last couple of days. I am really irritated because he has been postponing mine.

My personality is very assertive. I don't believe in griping just to be griping. If you have an issue, take it to someone who can do something about it. Don't just bring everybody down. The fact that I am vocal seems to be my downfall. I am not saying anything that everyone else is not already saying, they just don't have guts enough to tell someone who can make the change.

I am very anxiety ridden about this "progress" report as I have lost ground rather than gained it. At the time that he gave me certain goals to shoot for he also tied my hands with a policy demand that is very time consuming and actually loses the company money. Therefore, my work has fallen behind and my days in a/r look horrible.

My prayer this Lenten season is that the Lord would change my heart--my first reaction is to go into his office and lay it all out. I would never mean it in a disrespectful, undermining authority type of way. But that is where my strong, assertive personality would cause problems. I am the type of person who can try to give a flattering compliment and it can come across as a slap in the face.

I don't know that there is truly an answer for this question but I will put it out there. After many years of reflection and acceptance I have come to appreciate my personality type. Annoying as it can be at times, I believe that God has made me this way for a reason and He actually loves me this way. But then I read in scripture where I should be meek and soft spirited. Do I need to give up who I am? or is it possible to be both?

As you can see I am struggling with this on a personal level and a much deeper spiritual level. If you get a moment today please say a little prayer for me. Thanks much!